i digress...

Lady Xanax

Addiction is such a dirty word.
I prefer (enter pretty word here)
I prefer Xanax over breathing techniques,
and Ritalin over study breaks.
I prefer Percoset over pain-
and Ambien over insomnia.
Numb the numbness I say.

I prefer 3 dollars a pill rather than 5,
but I take what I can get.
I prefer not to feel.
Not to be aware
of the worry in my chest,
or fear in my heart.

I prefer going up
rather than coming down,
but I take the good with the bad.
Until I don't give myself the chance
to come down,
to crash.

So I'm popping pills
to offset the pills I've popped.
And medicating the withdrawal from self-medication.

I've taken too many,
and gravity takes hold of my body.
It's not the pills
it's the world-
melting away,
sucking me in,
ending.

I prefer the pills
until every muscle starts to ache
and my brain stops working
until I feel like my cells might
e x p l o d e
and I'm puking 'til I choke
until sleep doesn’t come
but nightmares still exist.
Then
I prefer sobriety.